Est Exurere
by the8thweasley
Summary: Always wanted to be, always wanted you to see my heart, always wanted your love, always wanted but never was-The Pretty Reckless


"How well do we really let ourselves know each other?"

-I Am The Messenger

00

You know the exact moment you started seeing her, really _seeing_ her. She wasn't just a little, fiesty, red-head anymore. She was a huge ball of fire, exploding into every crack and crevice of your world, and you couldn't shut her out (not that you tried very hard).

She was sixteen, you twenty-seven, and that's about as wrong as you can get. Victoire had been out of the picture for some time, she had moved to France to pursue her career and the whole long distance thing never worked out, especially with veela. You tried to tell yourself that Lily was just catching your attention because she was young, and vibrant, and you were lonely without Victoire, but you knew it was deeper than that. The way she would reach out and touch your arm, unsettling your entire being until your soul sparked with desire. Your hair would turn into a deep, lustful red, and she would blush that same color. For her it was just a game, a game to see who could go the longest, who could make it the farthest.

And she was a master of it. During Christmas break you stayed at their house (it was always best to stay with family during the holidays if you were lonely). But with her, nothing felt empty. The way she filled the room with teasing joy, like she knew what she was doing and she couldn't care less about it. One night she caught you staring, recently you had become skilled at looking with a natural air, like it was normal that you were staring at her with that passion behind your eyes, but when she saw you she winked and your whole exterior crumbled with your crushed heart.

Because you had seen her wink at boys before, many boys. The ones she had snogged, the ones she had promised a snog, and even the ones she wanted to snog. But this wink was different, it was past the point of teasing flirtation, past the point of a hidden crush, in a moment, a single eye twitch had revealed what thrilled you and frightened you the most: she felt the same way.

Any normal bloke would have been ecstatic, but you, well it was different with you. You couldn't have her. As much as you wanted to pick her up and swing her around, kiss her passionatly under the stars, and fall in love like it was a fairytale, you couldn't. Because she was Lily and you were Teddy and two more unfit people had never been made for each other.

So you looked away, and in that moment the whole universe shattered because a love like this wasn't supposed to be defied, nobody was supposed to say no. But Lily always liked doing things her way, and you, well you were just swept up in it all.

00

And as you watch her now, trailing a glowing white as she walks down the aisle, you think back to the girl who had combusted with a passion of _red, _and you remember the Christmas where it all turned to stone and dead ends, and you wish, oh how you wish that you could stand up and stop the precedings. Because this Scamander kid has nothing to give her, not when the two of you could traverse the galaxy with nothing but each other, or stay at home all day in bed and never run out of things to talk about.

So the wedding continues and the reason to why you are Teddy is taken by another man, who doesn't even know the meaning of being loved by Lily, let alone the feeling of it, and you sit patiently, waiting for the moment where she will turn her head slightly and give you a faint nod.

But the nod doesn't come, no recognition is given, and when the ceremony is over you see her move to the crowd on the opposite side of the room than you. No twitch, no wink, no nod. Nothing. And the realization that comes could kill you with its blow, but you know it's the truth, and you've always been a rather honest person.

She doesn't look because she doesn't need to anymore. She has a man, maybe it's not the right one, the perfect one, the one who could make everything come alive, but it's the one she has chosen.

And you, you have nothing left to lose, so you find yourself with Victoire again. Just for one night. But it's enough, enough to remind you that although Victoire may shine, Lily burns.


End file.
